
I think one of the hardest things about having ADHD is negative self-talk and being overly hard on myself. The thought that I suck at life haunts me a little harder than most. I know every human has certain expectations of themselves but individuals on the spectrum and those with ADHD take it to the next level.
When I was younger I was extremely tough on myself and worse than disappointing myself, was the feeling of disappointing others. This ultimately led me to people pleasing to make up for any mistakes I made. However, I didn’t realize what I was doing or the vicious circle I kept myself in.
If I messed up in anyway, I would feel sick to my stomach immediately. If my mistake effected someone else, I would make sure I made it up to them somehow, even if it wasn’t necessary.
It got to a point where I would be overly generous and nice to my friends because I anticipated my mistakes. I figured, if I made people love me first, they would forgive me faster or easier when—not if, I did mess up. I know, sounds psychotic, but when you know you’re different, you do what you have to do to keep your friends.
I work at a school as an aid to diverse learners, many of them on the spectrum or have ADHD. I witness complete melt downs from children because they scored low on a test, they just don’t understand something and they’re frustrated and even when they simply lose a game they are playing.
I understand their feelings and empathize with them. Nothing is worse than feeling like you can’t do something or you’re simply bad at it.
And when your disability is fueled by a lack of dopamine, how do you pick yourself up and try, try again? It’s not easy.
ADHD is an invisible disability. So, if you mask (hide) your disability —I’ll get into that next blog—most people have no idea that you’re struggling which allows for possible harsh criticism from neurotypicals. This can ultimately leave you feeling worthless. Trust me, I’ve been there.
I honestly wish I had the answer for helping neurodivergent individuals feel accomplished and not so bad when they fail.
I’m a writer, so for me personally, it was really hard at first to understand how frequent rejections and criticism were part of this industry. It’s honestly rough and I still struggle. Sometimes my imposter syndrome completely takes over and I convince myself I’m the worst writer in the history of all writers.
Maybe my constant exposure to rejection is helping me learn to cope with failing? My therapist has helped me by reminding me that everyone fails and struggles. She says failing isn’t the problem, it’s how you handle the failure.
So my advice is to take a deep breath and think of the failure on a ten scale. How big of a deal is the failure? Is it something that can be fixed? Did you learn from it? How can you improve next time?
Finally, understand failing means you tried because you can’t fail unless you try—right?
So, take pride in knowing you’re out there living and trying your best. Never stop trying. Failing isn’t the worst thing in the world. Not trying is.
Stay Squirrely,
Dana 🐿
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