Summer break has started and I am really going to try and do all the things I don’t get to do during the school year…like blog regularly. I’m not sure how well written these blogs will be. But I’m gonna write and post them. Just to get into the habit of writing my thoughts down daily.
And yesterday I was thinking.
We have created this “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me culture.” I wish I could think of a more clever, simpler name for it. But I can’t at the moment. And I don’t care what you think. 😝😂
Anyway, if you compare life from the 1950’s to today it’s like night and day. Back then people cared what others thought. A bit too much. And despite the amount of wrinkles donning my forehead, I didn’t live back then. But I can imagine it wasn’t easy. You didn’t have the luxury of social media and the ability to edit out the bad and solely present the perfect. You legit had to live “properly”. Show not tell. That’s MUCH harder in my opinion.
And there were lots of negative aspects to this. Extreme anxiety. Shunning loved ones of they didn’t meet societies standards and expectations. As a person who struggled to fit in during the eighties and nineties I can’t imagine being a young woman in those days. I definitely wouldn’t want to go back to those times.
So believe me. I get the appeal of saying F it. Because in all honesty I live that way myself to some degree.
But I can’t ignore the nagging little voice in the back of my mind telling me that not caring about what anyone thinks can be dangerous.
First of all, as humans we have instincts. I would be lying if I said I didn’t judge people immediately by the way they dress or present themselves. And I’m sure my age and environment plays a huge roll in how I feel about things. But I know for a fact that I’m also human and my judgment is also a form of protection. However, I have the ability to talk to people and get to know them and decide if I want to be friends or enemies. Hopefully friends. I don’t like having enemies!
But I digress. I think that harboring this idea that you should be whoever you want and do whatever you want is dangerous because it stunts effort. It is much easier to do what you want and demand others to accept you. But as comedian Ricky Gervais has mentioned, how entitled are we that we think we can control others emotions or feelings?
Because the truth is…you can’t. I suppose you can wear people down to the point that they won’t publicly acknowledge their negative feelings towards your actions and appearance and instead bottle up their true thoughts and opinions. And maybe people exposed to things that they aren’t comfortable with over and over will eventually become numb to those things. But you’ll never be able to eradicate judgement. And do you know how I know this? Because I work with kids. And kids come with no edit. They will give you their opinions about tattoos, piercings, people who look unapproachable or make them uncomfortable. They have no shame. because they are pure. And acting on instinct. Not learned behavior.
And before you yell at me and tell me about amazing people with tattoos and piercings please know I have five tattoos and my ears have multiple piercings. Believe me I know amazing people with them. I’m one of them. 😉
And it’s more than appearance. It’s attitude. It’s drive. It’s motivation. And unfortunately where I’m noticing this the most is with teen boys and young men. I was having a conversation with a co worker at my school and he was telling me that he read an article that said that colleges are filled with women. And young men don’t seem to care.
And I also see this with a lot of neurodivergent individuals. They struggle being a square peg in a round world—excuse my most likely incorrectly written cliche—So, they resort to not caring.
I’m neurodivergent but I’m not a victim. And even though it’s harder for me I still try. Can I not care about people’s opinions about how I go about getting things done? Maybe? But I’ll always try. And I’ll attempt doing things the way “they should be done”. Even if that way is easiest for neurotypicals and not so simple for me. One thing is for certain. I’ll always care if people think I’m not trying or doing.
So my question is, is there a way to balance the “you do you” mentality and “caring what others think”? I feel like we’re always going to extremes. Humans have such a hard time with balance. As a Libra this is upsetting. ♎️
I think you can be yourself but also care how you present yourself to others. And also care about your success and take pride in everything you do.
But that’s my opinion. I do think a little shame and anxiety never hurt anyone. If that makes me rough around the edges or toxic in the eyes of psychiatrists so be it. A lot of my success was fueled by caring what others think. Not wanting to be a failure in the eyes of my parents and peers. Not solely based upon my own feelings of success and failure. When I was younger my brain didn’t understand those concepts completely. But it did understand disappointment and shame. So my adult self can’t help but be a little grateful towards my younger self for caring what others thought about me. 🤷🏻♀️
Is this unhealthy? I honestly don’t know. I don’t have all the answers. Im just a Libra that thrives on balance.
Leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts!
Dana 🐿️
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